Wednesday, May 25, 2011

View on Online dating.

 Recently a friend(whom shall remain anonymous) asked for opinions on online dating... She/He asked people online... people on Facebook... online people, using Facebook... um, yeah. The outcome was disturbing.

 Have we become a society of non-face to face verbal communicators? Are we so dependent of keeping that digital wall between us that we can not even meet other people in public to decide wether we are willing to date them or not? You know, not to damn long ago, prior to my having met my lovely wife, not "online" I might add, ...I used to date. Yes it's true, your humble narrator, typing away at his blog to nowhere land, wondering what obscene sound, word or gesture may happen to emanate from my physical being next, was once a single man about town and enjoyed picking up women damn near anywhere. That's right, Anywhere! See, I was and have never been afraid to speak to the opposite sex... I mean, Why? Why be afraid? They have wants, needs, desires and issues just as you do, so why do people feel the need to build a "Online Profile"(Front) via a dating service, that tell someone all about you before they even get to speak word one with you in the first place?

 Oh I got it, too F'n busy, right!?!?(As of late I have been refraining from using a completely spelled out expletive, so instead of F#&K you get F or F'n and MF is... well you get the picture) Some people believe, I mean actually believe they are too busy, to go out and meet the opposite sex! What, you don't go to the grocery store, or out to eat? The Mall, Redbox, Church, a Bar or even to the park to walk your stank ass dog(I know you got one, you lonely sack o'...)? Can you imagine what some people do with their lives when they are not at work for 8 to 10 hours a day? "They sit in-front of a computer!" Is what they do! Yes, as I am doing right now, but you see, I have a Wife, four beautiful Children and a LIFE! This shiny box that connects me to the "Danged ol' Inter-web" is nothing more than a tool. That's it, I use it, I'm done... then off. Off to spend time with my kids, wife, motorbike, friends and family. So really how busy do you have to be, to not find the time to go out somewhere and meet someone? I seriously wanna know, cause I think it's Re-F'n-tarded!

 The responses I read were staggering! Most were in favor of it and even had testimonials as to having found their "true love" and "soul mate" using one service or another... and they all had opinions as to which was the best!!! Really, one is better than another? I find this very hard to believe. It's a service that takes your data, attempts to match you up with another persons data, based on compatibility via the answers you give... providing you and the other crash test dummy told the truth. Then sends you a list of who matched with you and is willing to meet you. Via email first... then perhaps a phone conversation, then if you do actually find someone who is willing to have a face to face conversation with you, most likely 6 or 8 months down the road, you can fly across the country, blowing hundreds of dollars on air fare and hotel accommodations to have a sit down conversation with the person you have already built up to be your "Soul Mate". Huh... yea, that idea sounds like a winner. If that's how you wanna spend your time and money. Lying to yourself!

 Not like you couldn't have saved some cash and gone to a book store, you remember books right? Little rectangular objects filled with words, they end up making movies out of them... you remember now, right? Like I was saying, a book store, where you may have found a young man or woman sitting alone enjoying a work of classic literature, sipping a half-caf latte, on a friday or saturday evening. Tired from the work week, cool enough to know about the local music scene, but not hip enough to blow mountains of cocaine to their face, dancing all night with fake spray on tan sporting gumbas, at "Da Club", who will sweat, breathe and spill drinks all over you(and that's the women). Or perhaps, the single person at the grocery store, slowly wandering the booze isle, wondering what type of wine to pair with a meal they are about to attempt to create by themselves at home. Having had an interest in cooking since they were young, but never realized it's far better to work in the kitchen with a partner, than it is... alone.

 These people do exist! Trust me, I know! They are out there, in the video stores, cafe's, local venues and oh, here it comes... Church. Yes I said it, you can even find them at church. Seriously, I happen to know some very cool single people who are faithful church goers. You might like um, good people! Doesn't hurt that they are "Hot" too!(I'm just say'n) I just think they are a lil' more selective than your average, horny 20 or 30 something year old and lonely 40+ adults, looking for Mr or Miss right... er, in some occasions, ok most occasions "Right Now". They have a relationship with God and trust that their mate will come into contact with them when God wills it. I find nothing wrong with that. I just happen to feel, yes and this is my own personal feeling that... God gave you a personality, God gave you a brain, feelings, interests, wants, desires, a voice and a heart. All the building blocks necessary to go out and meet someone! So put um to work! Strike up conversation with someone you find attractive or better yet, interesting. Help them to decide on what movie they would like to watch tonight, buy them a cup of coffee or tea. Ask what books they suggest for a good read. Bottom line, "Talk" to people! Put the laptop in your bag, cell phone in your pocket. Facebook, Twitter, Farmville(still no clue what that is), MySpace(anyone still use that?), your email, Second Life, W.O.W(hahaha so lame) and yes, even my blog will be here tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the day after that. "I hear tell this internet thing is catching on, should be around for a bit... I reckon"

 People you really don't need online dating, ya just need a backbone and people skills to meet someone. You can develop your people skills going out with friends, being social and having fun. Confidence will come in time and that person you have been searching for will be just around the corner. Heck, look at me, when I least expected it, the woman whom I have shared the last nearly 15 years of my life with just happened to be in a Fresno State dorm room I was visiting with a friend. Had I never had the confidence to ask her out, I'd probably still be searching. But I did! I saw the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I asked her to take my hand and I have never let go! Love at first sight, tho she tries to deny it. I know what I felt right there on the spot... Heck, I even had a girlfriend at the time, knew she wasn't the one and dumped her, for my lovely bride.(but, that's another story)

 Cheers people! It's a great big world out there full of interesting people and adventure. So go find some! First hand, in person and without the digital vail.

Peace.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Rob, it's Drea...
    I just wanted to say that sometimes online dating can be a good thing. I met my boyfriend online two years ago. While I admit, I didn't mean for it to happen, I didn't ignore it when it did. I've dated people in real life too, obviously. I've never had such great luck, so when I did find myself falling for someone online, I embraced it. It was new and exciting and different for me. Turns out, he's probably the nicest person I've ever met and it was one of the best choices I could've ever made.

    I, for one, am a fan of online dating now that I've had the experience myself. If I was single, I'd do it again for a number of reasons. One of those reasons is, but is not limited to, my battle with anxiety, panic disorder, and agoraphobia. Not everyone can just walk out of their house, go somewhere and meet someone--and it's not because they don't try or don't want to. Also, in my opinion, aside from the lack of physical contact, online dating really isn't that much different from dating in real life. You get to know each other, it's just a little bit easier to do so. As far as pretending to be someone else online goes--well, people do that in real life all the time.

    I never used to be a fan of the idea of online dating until I did so myself. But I never cared if other people did it either. All I'm saying is, it works well for some people--and if it works for those people and they're happy, what's the problem, you know?

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  2. Great point Drea! I didn't know that was how you two met. That is a positive and inspiring story and I can see you point with the anxiety, panic disorder and agoraphobia. Makes sense. I've noticed a positive change in you over the last two years and I can only figure that it has to do with your relationship with Nate. So if Online Dating is what did it for you, then it can't be all bad! I just really wonder about those who use it as a crutch... ya know? After never really trying to meet people in real life, they turn to the easier solution and cyber security found in the digital vail that is online dating.

    I've spoken with a few other people who have tried it over and over and over again. When I asked them about their "real life" dating habits, they replied... "I never really tried. I don't like bars, night clubs and parties. Where am I supposed to meet a genuinely good person who is gonna treat me right?" To this I reply, "Not in any of those places."

    Perhaps my initial stance was a little to rigid regarding the subject. Maybe using the online format helps people with similar interests find one another. Could it be that in todays society people are more apt to find love and happiness by digital pairing?

    You have given me some nug's to puff on Drea. The subject is not so cut and dry. I say this only because I have been able to see first hand that your positive experience is working for you. Sure I read a few others who posted on my friends page, but I didn't know them... and the others whom I do know, well let's just say, they didn't work out so well. But... I see there is truly a flip side to it. Great feedback! I'm open to any-other encouraging stories of online dating success aswell, so anyone else you may know that wants to post up, please do so!

    "Cheers!!!"

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