Sharing Testimony...

 Wow, it's so crazy to hear yourself admit to someone the struggles you have when you are sharing testimony with them... Hi my name is Rob and I am a Drug Addict/Alcoholic. But by the power of God and my Faith in his Love, I don't struggle like I used to anymore. Can I "legally" say I'm not tempted…NO. There is always temptation, it's what we do when that sin nature creeps up on you, that sets us apart. Do I have all the answers… No. Thank God I have been given the resources to find them. Sure I don't struggle like I used to and I don't have the cravings like I used to, but every now and then there is a voice that try's to talk me into it... I know that voice very well... It's my own. It's what happens when my flesh gets weak to temptation and tries to over power my Spirit. It's those times that I trust in the word the most! God's word will quiet the voice... every time! It builds my Spirit Man up and keeps my mind and heart right!

 I recently shared my testimony with a very close friends mother yesterday. I'm still reeling from the level of disclosure I offered. It was like a valve was opened and all I could do was continue to pour it out. I even confessed to having lied about something for so long it was hard to discern the truth from the lie. (the following is just that)

 It was 1994, I was involved with some people(drug dealers) who were not so nice and I used to go to them to purchase my drugs(for distribution and personal use). Well one lovely afternoon, while I was supposed to be at work, I stopped in to pick up an "Ounce" of Speed(Meth if you are not sure of what I am talking about), so I could make it threw my job that evening without issue. I worked for a company called "Murphy's Express" we delivered VHS movies to your home after you phoned in an order. Not a bad gig, but the hours kinda sucked. So anyhow, there I am purchasing my drugs in a hurry, clamoring to leave when I forget the golden rule #2 on a pick up… "always party your supplier a quick rail before you bail". Well having been in a hurry and on the clock I put my bag in my pocket and made for the door. My dealer jumped up and was like, "Hea, don't you wanna party real quick before you just jet off?". That should have been my cue. But I replied, "Naw I'm good, I gotta get back to work." Opened the door and walked outside. Rule #1 "Never trust a junkie!" I no sooner stepped off the porch when I caught a fist to the back of the head. I went down to the grass and mud and proceeded to catch a serious ass wooping. The entire time I've got three speed freaks kicking the shit out me and a thwacked out broad yelling, "Yeah, that's what you get for disrespecting up in my house MF'er!" (she didn't even live there, she was just dudes girlfriend) So anyhow… this is where the lie part comes in.

 I was on the clock back at Murphy's, I had a bag full of movies that I needed to deliver between two houses just south east of Belmont and maple. When I got back up from the fetal position I was in in the front yard. A plan began to formulate in my mind. Give them(my dealer and his old lady) the movies, apologize for the "dis-respect" and tell the boss(back at Murphy's) you got jumped in the hood and the movies got taken. Sounds good, get's me good on all fronts.

 So I did… Gave up the movies and apologies, partied everyone in the house a nice fat gagger and headed off to work. As I drove back to my job, the plan was very clear in my head what I needed to do. Go directly into the office and play out this huge drama... The first time I told that lie, was when I walked in the door. Then after I was given the rest of the night off, I re-told the story to my Mother, to explain why I was home so early, then I told a friend and another friend and another till finally it was the only truth I knew. I even re-told the story, much later in life, when talking about my time having worked for Murphy's Express.

 Until the real memory came back and I admitted the truth for the first time, yesterday... to my friends Mother.

 I'm glad God opened my heart to let that burden of that lie and dark piece of my history come out. I feel a level of freedom. I just wonder what other forgotten truths are going to surface next. Time will tell...

Peace.